Finland Report

O.K. We`re back and still in two pieces. How we managed to survive is a complete mystery.

We gigged EVERY Night for 35 nights, 5 x 45 minute sets every night, Without relenting

the high energy deliverance of our usual show standard. Even When Completely F***ed,

Dying with flu, Voices Cracking and fingers bleeding we still came up with the goods.

Talk about hardcore. You don`t know what it means.

In the third week it was suggested that we may be leaving Phoneland in a wheelchair,

By week four it seemed more likely to be a Body Bag.

Anyway thanks to some great support from some lovely people and a few packs of Bafucin 25mg

we made it through.

The good ship Cinderella was just about the worlds craziest party place, it set sail like a regular ferry

to the port of Talinn in Estonia, then parked up in the middle of the frozen ocean whilst everyone partied

until dawn whereupon we upped anchor and pissed off back to Helsinki. Let me say that seeing the sea

all frozen over like that was on of the most amazing sights I`ve ever seen and that it was brilliant to be in

Phoneland (Sorry I keep saying this `cos over 50% of Fins Carry mobile phones, more than have landlines)

(Nokia - Connecting People ?) In the winter time, particularly this winter which was exceptionally cold and

snowy even by Finnish standards, Record -54 degrees in Lapland. We have such piss poor winters in England.

It`s so easy to see why Finland produces such great drivers like Tommi Mäkinen when they regularly drive

several hundred kilometres in really appauling weather conditions, (not to mention skiers).

Anyway I had a jolly little walk down Helsinki at -14 with my Dozen layers, scarf and hat with the ear flaps down,

I still came back with my top lip frozen, but feeling great and ready for a Sauna.

Anyway back to the Cinderella. We arrived at the port about 15 minutes before we were due to set sail

only to be confronted by masses of young people all wearing these strange jump suit type things, we thought we

had arrived in the middle of some kind o Mika Hakkinen convention or something (Incidentally M.H. speaks

the worst english of anybody we met in Finland) anyway it turned out to be some mad student festival called

GOOM ! This happens every year when 10,000 students come on the boat over 4 days and just get completely off

their faces. Some stay the whole 4 days while others just come for 1. We wandered around in amazement

stepping over the bodies of the casualties that littered the alleyways just in total awe in the liberty involved.

Can you imagine something like that ever happening in England ? The boat would`ve been totally trashed

in the first few hours, then the brawling would`ve started and if it happened once it would never ever be allowed

again. But in 4 days of mayhem the most unruly thing I saw was that a glass had been dropped down a toilet.

In the 4 weeks we stayed amongst the most drunken bunch of sailors the world is probably ever likely to see

I saw maybe 2 minor incidents which you could have called trouble. Now I don`t want to make out the English

to be Devils and the Fins Angels (Finnish Manners leave a lot to be desired (or maybe I`m being too British))

but I know a small minority of Nutters would make this Impossible in England and that`s a shame.

!! COS WHAT A CRAIC !!

Anyway we very nearly caused the first trouble on the first night because upon arriving on the boat

we were pointed in the direction of the stage, told to set up and our playing times and left to it.

10 hours, several pints of Guinness, and 5 sets later we still hadn`t had anything to eat.

Well we had to kick off didn`t we ? Sorry Marco ! anyway after a decent bit of snap we calmed down.

The audiences varied from fanatical students crushing in front of stage screaming "My guitar hero!!"

To senile old Farts who couldn`t give a shit whether we were there or not.

Well we managed to survive 4 weeks of it although the last stretch was becoming pretty tiresome

but we did meet some really sound people especially the guys and gals from the bands AVENUE 7,

and The VULTURES, whom we had some groovy times with . I`ll also mention (at the risk of leaving

someone out) Mikko "The Thing", Jari, Pete, Joolz, Jonas, Ian the Magician, Malcolm, Benjamin,

Marco, Moko, Jampe, Jake, who were all TOP crew on the boat. Stefan the Viking, who gave me

this fantastic Norse T- Shirt you will see me strutting about with pride in.

Then there was Mikko who taught US some Levellers and Men they couldn`t hang songs

(See his website @ http://www.jyu.fi/~miissaka for guitar tabs and Lyrics)

And of the other passengers whose names I can remember I`ll say Hei To....

Paul + Paula,(who took us around the studios at YLE T.V. and many other interesting places)

Matti, Jesse, Jarmo, Disa, Pia, Ilkka, Sana, Ralle, Mika + Crew, Carita + Riitta, Sammi, Tommi and da Boyz

Special thanks go to Anni, Leena, Elena, Heidi, The Girl From Mars, and the others whose names elude me,

Who were our consistent Posse of dancers during the week we were touring the mainland.

Boy what a laugh that was, at first we thought sure we`ll be playing in Molly Malones, or Mulligans

Or at least some kind of Irish Pubs, But no. We find we are booked in to play at 6 Ale pubs in one horse towns

around Helsinki. Great until you understand that in Finnish "ALE" means sale. So you Imagine the kind of

people who drink in the bargain basement of public houses, So Hey It was pretty much like home for us.

Only difference was when your man there staggers up to the front of the stage there was not a hope in hell

of understanding the drunken drivel falling from his mouth in Finnish. I`m not sure if that made it harder or

Easier. Anyway you know us we had a laugh anyway although I`m not sure if the guy gesticulating and

shouting at us in Suvela meant we were great or we were shite, it was hard to tell.

We stayed in this really posh but mad hotel in Hyvinkkää called Rantasippi Sveitsi, it was like being in

THE SHINING but rich bastards with poodles yapping in their rooms looked down their fucked up noses

at you when you peddled your trike down the corridors, enough to drive you to REDRUM.

Anyway we were kept sane by our Chauffeur and Superfine right hand man D.J. SAMPPA

To whom our greatest of thanks go out and the best of best wishes !

Hope you are "JUST FINE" baby !

He took good care of us and made life easier in those dire times of week 5.

The food was excellent both on the boat and at Chicco`s American Diner where we ate while in Hyvinkää

and we`d like to thank everyone involved in feeding the Cross while we were away.

Anyway that`s about all I`ve got to say for now, I`m sure there`s loads I`ve missed,

So mail me if it was you.